Hello all! My new home is official! Come follow me here if you still want to read my ramblings.

How could I forget to share who my new host will be?

The times they are a changin'...

I'm going to move my blog to a different host. I've been seeing a lot of Moveable Type lately and really like it. Then Dawn posted this today, and I thought, "Why the heck not?"

Don't worry, dear readers, I'll take you with me for the move.

Yesterday we welcomed a new member to our family - a chest freezer. Woo hoo! Cory and I decided that would be our Christmas gift to each other. We've been living with just the freezer space available above our refrigerator, which doesn't leave us with much.

Today the kids and I drove up to Sioux Falls for an LLL enrichment meeting. My friend Sara was going to lead a program on holiday traditions, and she had some really neat ideas. Unfortunately, the only people who showed up were me, Sara, our friend Amy, and another Sioux Falls Leader. So Sara, Amy and I headed to McDonald's for lunch after our kids had their gift exchange. Accalia is absolutely delighted with her gift of a fashion plate design kit from Discovery Toys. I had something like that when I was little, and I could spend hours mixing and matching fabric swatches to come up with outfits. That's exactly what Accalia's doing right now.

We only spent a couple hours in Sioux Falls, though, because the weather is not supposed to be good today or tomorrow. It was mostly foggy and drizzly on the way up and back, and by the time we arrived home, it was apparently getting slippery in the area because of freezing rain. On the way home, we were coming up to a small cemetery by the side of the road. Two deer suddenly popped up along the shoulder, so I slowed almost to a stop since they were standing there and starting to inch towards the road. We got a really good look at them - much more beautiful than the one that Cory's cousin Tim posed with! - before I honked my horn. They turned, hopped the cemetery fence and were gone. "Look Mom, they're playing tag!" was Accalia's remark.

I have an eye appointment tonight. Hopefully I'll be able to get a sample of my contacts so I don't have to wait until my order arrives to wear them. I don't mind wearing my glasses, but I've been getting more headaches since I started wearing only glasses. Maybe this prescription is outdated, although it's the same as my contacts. It's probably just the way my eyes have to adjust to look out of them.

Cory talked with his mom today, and the unofficial word (meaning she's heard this from her hospice nurse and not directly from her oncologist) is that Mary is a good candidate for treatment. Woo hoo! I don't think it's even so much the fact that she's going to try chemo (I've been researching and am still up in the air whether chemo is always a beneficial thing) as it is that Mary's actually going to do something to try to beat this.

We went out for lunch today to the Fryn' Pan - think Perkins - and it was actually relaxing. It's not often that you can go out to eat with small children and say that. We ate a little later than usual, so both kids were probably starved. They sat and ate, and Cory and I actually had a nice conversation.

Cole didn't nap today until 5 p.m. Ugh. That doesn't bode well. Maybe he'll do what Accalia did when she started giving up naps (not that Cole is to that point yet) and fall asleep between 5 and 6 and not be up again until 7 a.m. or so. Wishing thinking, I'm sure.

I haven't written anything about Cory's mom recently because there's really nothing new to say. We still haven't heard what the doctors have said or recommended. Some days are better than others when we think about the future. I feel so helpless because there's not a lot I can do. I think we're going to visit them next weekend and then see them again on Christmas Day.

This morning one of the first things Accalia did was to stick a finger in her armpit. "Look Mom! It's soooo deep!" Apparently she'd never examined that particular part of her body much before. She was thrilled to discover that my armpit was deep as well.

Cory's cousin Tim is a really nice guy and I have absolutely nothing against him. I just wish he'd stop sending a Christmas picture of himself posing next to the carcass of a deer he shot. Second year in a row. I've continued on my mom's tradition of hanging the pictures we receive at Christmas on the kitchen cabinets so we see all of our loved years throughout the year. Staring into a deer's glassy eyes is just not something I want included.

The kids have been playing together so fabulously well. Yippee! I had business that involved a looooong phone call and they did so well not being too much of a distraction.

I finally had to make an appointment with an optometrist. Not sure why I kept putting it off since I'm not afeared of going, but I had no choice this morning when my final contact ripped. It's been more than two years, I think, since I've been to see anyone, so it's high time. Thankfully I was able to set up an appointment for this coming Monday. The bad news is that I only have my glasses to wear until I'm able to get new contacts. Ah well. Cory once told me I look a little like Tina Fey when I wear my glasses. Not very likely, but I've been told I look a little like Julia Roberts, too. At least I haven't been mistaken for Linda Tripp pre-face lift.

In January, I'll be taking an online class on vaccine dangers. The instructor - once a registered nurse and now a classical homeopath - also offers a class on the basics of homeopathy that I really want to take at some point. This is her website. The book that we'll be using is the latest edition of "The Vaccine Guide" by Randall Neustaedter. I have both editions of this book - 2002 and 1996 - and I'll be more than happy to send the 1996 edition to anyone who wants it. Email me by Monday (12/15) if you're interested, and I'll just throw everyone's name into a bowl and pick a winner!

This is huge news in South Dakota. I'll just say that I'm quite looking forward to the special election in June.

It's snowing and blowing today. We've only gotten a few inches of snow compared with closer to 10 inches in other areas near us. It's still not fun at all to be out or to drive around town. We went to dance class (visiting day for mommies, daddies and grandparents or whoever else), but I think that's all we'll be doing outside of the house. I have a couple errands to run, but they'll just have to wait.

Going to put Cole down for a nap now. Oh wait. I do have to go outside of the house and shovel. Shoot.

Cory just stopped home for a few minutes. He was in town giving a training session on something at the trustee unit. The kids were in the bathtub and very happy to see him. We went to the dollar store this morning in search of a "boy barbie" for Accalia. Didn't find one. We saw the midwife I had for Cole's pregnancy, though. That was really nice. I hadn't seen her since a few weeks after Cole's birth.

Accalia's been really into Advent calendars lately. We've been looking at a bunch online. She loves the ones that consist of a story. We have one here at home that's the Muppets doing their version of O. Henry's Gift of the Magi. LOL! It's the first thing she wants to do each morning, though, so it must be entertaining for her.

Still plodding along on the Christmas cards. I have to order more reprints. I think I'll mail off a stack tomorrow.

Have to turn over the computer to Accalia now.

Cory's back home and we're all very happy to have him home. I think he had a good but very emotionally exhausting weekend at his parents. He was able to talk with his mom about a lot of stuff, and while he's still very sad at the thought of losing her, he also feels a bit of peace because Mary appears to be at peace if she doesn't have much time left. I guess her oncologist is presenting her case to a board of 20 other doctors (not sure if this is the standard procedure) so they can all weigh in on treatment and how successful or unsuccessful it may be. Mary says right now that if the majority (and her doctor) feel she has a shot, then she'll go through with treatment. Obviously we're all praying for a positive report.

Accalia has just fallen asleep watching the Wizard of Oz. That was always such a big deal at our house when it made it's annual television appearance. My brothers and I would settle in to watch it and we'd always have Crackerjacks. I don't remember any other time of the year when we'd eat those.

This morning we were getting ready to take Lucy out, and I asked Accalia if she could get dressed while I nursed Cole. When I came back in the room a few minutes later she was still naked. Accalia saw me and immediately said, "I'm not dressed yet. I've been picking my nose!"

I am completely hopeless. Here it is just a little past 9 p.m. Cory's gone until tomorrow. Both kids are asleep. I have time to myself finally. What's the first thing I do? Vacuum. LOL! Now I'm completely stumped as to what to do next. Do I read? Where do I start on my pile of books and magazines waiting to be read? Do I watch a movie that I've been wanting to see for a while? Do I write? Do I try to clear out my inbox? Do I play the piano? Sheesh. I think I must need to get more me time on a regular basis in order to actually do anything. At least the living room and stairs look good :)

We're having a quiet afternoon here. This morning was pretty hectic. Even though my LLL meeting is at 10:30 a.m., we almost didn't make it on time between getting the three of us ready and making sure Lucy was walked. Since it's so cold out today, Lucy's walk consisted of going up and down the block really, really fast. Now, if Cole would actually wear a hat or mittens we might have gone farther. This evening's walk will probably be very similar.

The meeting went okay. There were four mothers there and the discussion was good. I felt more like a mother than a Leader, though, because I had both Cole and Accalia to take care of, but thankfully having a co-Leader helps in that respect. Maybe I'll be able to leave both Accalia and Cole home next month since I'll actually be leading that meeting.

Lucy came up to join us in bed at some point during the night. Actually, I think she was begging to go outside, but I fell back asleep before doing anything about it. At 5:30 a.m., though, she sat up and started breathing really loudly until I did get up and let her out. Cole happened to wake up a bit at that point, so it was another hour until we were both back asleep. Then we were up around 7:30 a.m.

I've been trying to make progress on Christmas cards. The reprints of the picture we're including arrived today, so that helped. The picture turned out pretty good, although Cole's a bit blurry - not too bad, though. It's very hard to get a picture of him actually sitting still.

I am exhausted. I didn't expect I'd have a quiet, relaxing evening since Accalia napped from 3-5, but it was a nice, fleeting thought. We went driving around looking at Christmas lights tonight and Cole fell asleep toward the end. "Cool!" I thought. "He'll either stay asleep when I bring him inside or nurse right back to sleep." Two hours later...

I was putting food on the table and told Accalia supper was ready if she was hungry. She looked around and asked (for the fifth time today) where Cory was. I once again explained he was staying with Grandma and Grandpa for the weekend. She looked forlornly at Cory's usual chair, then suddenly perked up and said, "Let's make a new daddy!" We never actually got around to making a substitute daddy, but we both agreed it wouldn't be nearly as good as the real thing.

Cory got off work around 1 p.m. and left to spend the weekend with his parents. Mary was supposed to get out of the hospital yesterday, but they kept her one more night because the weather was bad. Myron stayed the night at the hospital, too. I don't know that Cory's parents know he's actually coming, but I think it's a good thing because they'd probably just tell him not to come because they don't want to inconvenience any of us. Cory's stopping on his way to do some grocery shopping. He'll be cooking for them this weekend. Mary won't be able to eat much of anything, I'm sure, but it'll be nice for his dad to have good meals.

So the kids and I will stay here and muddle through :) Tomorrow I have my LLL meeting, which should be interesting with both kids along. Other than that, our weekend is pretty open. There's supposed to be a holiday parade downtown tomorrow evening, but that's definitely something that depends on the weather.

Back to Cory's mom for a minute. On the treatment front, it sounds as if she's going to try something. I have no idea what that means, but it gives us hope that she wants to try to fight this now.

Accalia was watching Treasure Planet but has now fallen asleep. There goes my quiet evening to myself, huh? I hope she can catch up on her sleep now, though. She's been quite unpleasant to leave with these last few days. I probably have, too, and we're just feeding off of each other. Now if only Cole could nap at the same time...

Poor Cole. He does need a haircut. Maybe next weekend. He has a cut on his forehead and one on his chin. He's at that fun, awkward, clumsy stage where he wants to get to and in everything yet just isn't quite coordinated enough.

We had a pack of disposable diapers and I've put Cole in one for night the last week or so because he leaks through every night! Today, though, the covers that will hopefully solve the leakage arrived. I ordered two Bear Bottoms Soakers from
Nurture Mama. Owner Anne swears by them, and I'm quite excited to try them.

Cory talked with his brother last night. He's about 90% sure that Mary will be coming home today. Mark - Cory's brother - has to return home to work, and Cory plans to stay with his parents for the weekend. The kids and I would have come along, but we thought it best that all of the noise that goes along with grandchildren might not be best right now. It'll really give Cory and his mom a chance to talk about things. As of last night, Mary was saying that she didn't want to go through treatment. How do you even react to that? It's one thing to find out a loved one is seriously ill and another to hear that they don't want to do anything to get better. It's so hard to respect that when all you want is for them to fight as hard as they can to get better. I guess we just have to take it day by day and see what each tomorrow brings. And pray. Mary meets with the oncologist again on Jan. 5, so we shall see.

We just returned from a trip to Wal-Mart to pick up a few necessary and unnecessary things. Accalia had a HUGE meltdown in the checkout aisle. A lying on the floor, kicking her legs, flailing her arms, screaming sort of meltdown. I had no idea what triggered it either until we had left and she was screaming that she wanted to look at the toys. We usually do, but today it slipped my mind with both Cole and Accalia getting a bit on the cranky side towards the end. Oy. I had plenty of sympathetic people to help me out, though. There was a mom with one child behind me and she helped keep Accalia safe for a few minutes. I had two checkers helping load up my stuff, too. I don't want to repeat that for a while.

It's been a quiet day around here. It's rainy and gloomy. Other than going out for storytime this morning, we haven't done anything. Well, I guess we decorated our little Christmas tree, but that didn't take long.

I've been looking into glyconutrients and cancer (and just overall health), and it's something I plan to talk with Cory about and talk with his parents about, too. I know several people who take them and also sell them, and I've read articles in everything from MIT's Technology Review to Scientific America about this general topic. It can't hurt to talk with them, but I'm scared Mary will reject any treatment options - whether standard such as chemo or not quite common as glyconutrients. I just don't know their mindset about something like this. It's expensive, too, but I would think cost would be one of the last things on anyone's mind when it comes to saving a life (although obviously cost has prohibited people from seeking treatment before). So we shall see.

Accalia's really been into Harold and the Purple Crayon for a couple weeks now. It reminded me a bit of The Matrix when I started reading those books to her.

Cory's dad called last night with more definitive news, most of which was positive. The doctors now say the cancer started on the ovaries. They also found cancer on the appendix, stomach, pancreas and liver. They removed Mary's ovaries and appendix in her Thanksgiving Day surgery, and the pathology reports show that the cancer was ON them and not IN them. That's terrific news as far as we're concerned. If the cancer started on the ovaries and had not yet gotten in them, we're praying that the same holds true for the other organs the cancer has been found on.

Aside from praying, Cory and I have also been doing a lot of visualization. I've been visualizing the cancer as this gray spider web coating Mary's organs, and I see it peeling back from the organs and curling up into a ball and disappearing. If her cancer is like a spider web and hasn't had a chance to invade her organs yet, then it feels like she has such a better chance.

The only scary news for us last night was that Mary was once again saying she didn't think she wanted to fight this. Cory's dad didn't sound too worried about her being serious, so we're hoping she's just trying to process it all and will realize that everything sounds so much more positive than it did last Thursday. I think she's frustrated with it taking so long to heal from the surgery, but since she's never had such a major surgery before she just didn't realize that it might take more than a few days to regain any part of her strength.

I think it was yesterday that Mary had her final tubes removed - the catheter and the nasal gastric tube. She's been up walking five times and up an additional 2-3 times more to use the bathroom. She was even able to try a few clear liquids yesterday.

It's still such a roller coaster for us. We're trying to get back into something of a routine and carry on with all of the normalities of life. Then we'll be in the middle of something and have a panic attack thinking "Oh my God! Mary has cancer. She may not make it." I haven't quite figured out how I'm supposed to feel. Should I feel guilty that I was able to sit and enjoy reading the newspaper yesterday? Or should I feel glad that I'm able to escape from the worrying and sadness for a bit? I've been so cranky with the kids, and I feel just awful about it. I think I've just been trying to hold it all together while we were at the hospital and I was keeping the kids content, and then we get home and I end up releasing all of my stress on the poor kids.

Yesterday we put up a few Christmas decorations, and I ordered reprints for the picture we're sending out with our cards. Usually Cory writes a letter to include with our cards, too, but this year it just isn't going to happen.

Cole's falling asleep nursing right now. I guess that means he'll be full of energy for story time at the library. We usually head over to my co-Leader's house today, too, but I don't know that we'll get that done. I'll have to see what the kids are feeling like. I need to talk with her since there's the possibility I won't be at the La Leche League meeting on Saturday. We may be heading to be with Cory's parents - Mary is supposed to get out of the hospital Thursday or Friday - but we probably won't know until right before we can leave. Cory's dad said he was afraid Mary would feel obligated to be with Accalia and Cole and entertain them. That's the last thing we want to happen, so we may just wait until the next weekend to visit.

The oncologist had said he wanted to meet with the family yesterday in order to discuss test results and treatment options. Well, we waited all day to meet with him and he never appeared. Cory, the kids and I finally left around 5:30 because everyone was hungry and the kids were very close to the end of their incredible patience. Cory's brother called later that night and said the oncologist finally made it up on the floor around 7 p.m., but they don't know that he ever made it to Mary's room. Cory's dad is diabetic and had to get somewhere to eat.

So I'm waiting for a call today from Cory who's supposed to be getting a call from his brother or dad after hopefully meeting with the oncologist today.

The surgeon said Mary is recovering quite well from the surgery. Mary's biggest and probably only pain right now is from her incision. She's getting up about four times a day to walk. It's kind of funny because she's still so tired and just wants to rest, so she tries to get her walking in right away so they won't bother her. I think she's definitely tiring of all of the interruptions that happen during a hospital stay. She's also rather frustrated because she still feels so tired. I'm not sure if she thinks she's supposed to be up and running around less than a week after major surgery, but apparently she's a bit impatient :)

Cory went back to work today, and the kids and I are going to try to take care of a few things at home. Hopefully we'll start getting Christmas decorations up since Accalia will be so excited about that. We're leaving in a few minutes to mail a couple packages to my two cousins who are serving in Iraq.