It is quite windy and cool outside. It's rained on and off throughout the day, so we haven't been hanging around outside. No neighbor girls or boys around today. I don't mind, but I know Accalia and Cole were hoping to play with them after school. Cory's working, and I'm feeling rather aimless. I want to be inspired and motivated but have just found myself sitting around online while the three older kids watch a cartoon they had missed out on last weekend. Tylan is sleeping in my arms.

This weekend will hopefully be nice. Cole has a soccer game tomorrow. I'm looking forward to that but wondering if I should feel out of place because I don't own a cute little track suit like the ones most moms seem to favor around here. Yikes! Please don't run out and buy me one so I can fit in. Mother's Day will probably bring some attention my way. I told Cory I wanted to go over to a public library about 30 minutes away to check out an interactive exhibit in the kids' section. The kids and I could do that any day, but it would be nice to hang out with Cory, and frankly, I want to go when my kids most likely won't be the only kids around and their normal kid noises won't seem to be amplified by 100 and people won't stare and wonder why they aren't in school. I think I've been feeling on display a little too much lately.

Once again, we procrastinate with planting the garden. Our tiller is broken, so that delays things a bit. I've done little parts by hand, but there's only so long that Tylan wants to be on the ground or in a sibling's arms, and it's a little too hard to till with an 8-month-old in arms to make much progress. Most days I wonder how productive I might actually be when I no longer have a baby to hold. Don't want to disappoint myself, though, with how little I'll probably actually do! We have managed to plant sunflowers and morning glories and swiss chard, and we now just have to get to the big garden.

Here is what the kids are up to:

Accalia is buy on the computer or choreographing dances or planning what she and her bff T. will do later in the day. She's hanging out with Cole and holding Tylan and being a little mother to Ella. She's also watching Bones with me and requested that we start watching from Season 1.

Cole just needs some sort of malleable material - clay, playdough, sand, dirt - and figures of some kind. Indoors or outdoors, it doesn't matter. It's even better with a friend to accompany him on his adventures. He's asking Ella if she'll play with him outside, and he's holding Tylan "like a big tuna." He stands and talks to me with his hands in his pockets, and he looks so much older and gives me glimpses of what he may look like some day. He's also so emotional, especially at the end of the day, crying in bed because he's sad if a friend lost a toy.

Ella loves swinging and being alone out in the yard and coloring and playing with Tylan. She is almost always talking, and her vocabulary has increased so much over the past month. She still refuses to use the toilet, though. Wonder why she's resisting that, especially with two older siblings as examples.

Tylan is scooting all over the place, and I can just see it in her eyes that she will soon discover stairs and try to maneuver up those. Even though she's having a blast on the ground, she also needs to be in my arms more urgently than before. She's amazingly quick with her hands and grabs at everything. She's also showing more of an interest in solids but has yet to pop through any teeth to actually chew things.

I just took on a major new responsibility in my life but will probably wait to say more until an official announcement has been made. I think I'm a little nuts for doing it, but I have my reasons.