Today as we were leaving Wal-Mart (Cory needed deoderant), Accalia was becoming increasingly frustrated because she wanted to get all sorts of things that we couldn't afford. The last straw was when she asked to buy something out of one of the quarter machines at the front of the store.

Me: I'm sorry, sweetie, but I don't have any quarters.
Accalia: But I need to buy something!
Me: I'm really sorry. Next time we come I'll be sure to have a quarter along.
Accalia: Shut up!

Well. That was a glimpse into life with a child that thankfully I don't see on a regular basis. I wondered what would be the best way to handle it, but the only images that came to mind were parents yelling, "Don't you dare talk to me that way!" and followed by a spanking or being sent to their room. Nope, not the way I want to do things.

So I just told her the truth:
Me: Accalia, I don't like that you told me to shut up. That really, really hurt my feelings and made me feel bad.

She didn't have much to say on the ride home, but at home we hugged and kissed and talked about it some more.
Me: You must have been really frustrated at Wal-Mart in order to tell me to shut up.
Accalia: Un uh! (so she's not always a big talker, but the hugs and kisses said much more).

For those who may not know, we do not parent in a punitive manner. We don't punish, as that seems to be a great way to make life into a huge power struggle. We don't spank, do time outs, etc. Some may be thinking, "Her kids must be hellions! Running around wild, doing whatever they please, treating everyone like garbage."

Uh, no. So far my kids are like most other. They have good moments and bad moments. I have good moments and bad moments. And when my children have bad moments, I try to handle them the way I would want to be handled during my bad moments. And I don't want to be hit, yelled at or sent away. Sometimes I would willingly go away, though...

I try to imagine if Cory and I were cranky with each other and one of us told the other to shut up. The last thing that would make sense would be for a. one of us to hit the other; b. one of us to send the other away to "think about what we did" or c. continue yelling and calling names. So why would I do any of that with my children? Because they're children and therefore need to be told exactly what to do and be physically coerced into acting how we feel they should act? No, I don't believe that. And I've never seen that need with Accalia or Cole.

And what would be the best way for me and Cory to handle the hypothetical I proposed above? Maybe we would both agree we need a few minutes apart to cool off. Maybe we would kiss and make up (like Accalia and I did). And maybe we would talk about it (like Accalia and I did).

Let's say I was the one to tell Cory to shut up (because I think I'd probably be more likely. LOL!)

Cory: You must have had a pretty hard day, huh?
Me: Yeah, the phone wouldn't stop ringing. Lucy was barking at every thing that moves, and the kids were acting like they were on speed today. I'm sorry I said what I did.
Cory: That's okay. I'm sorry I was cranky, too. I think we both had hard days.

Yes, that sounds very Plesantville-ish, I know, but you get the point - I hope!

Okay, I'd better stop before I becoming a blathering idiot. This whole post feels rather fragmented since Accalia has been talking to me for most of it.