If anyone hasn't read the article about tantrums in the Nov/Dec 2002 issue of Mothering Magazine, please read it! The article isn't online yet, unfortunately, but I hope it will be very soon. It was wonderful reading about the reasons behind tantrums and how you can be with your child through one - and help them through it - without trying to suppress all of the emotions that are coming out.

I prefer the term meltdown to tantrum because tantrum just carries such a negative connotation. It always makes me think of someone talking about their spoiled child throwing a fit because they can't have this expensive toy. And meltdowns are simply what happens when your child is unable to deal well with all of these big emotions they are having, and that's why the parent is there - to keep them safe.

Accalia doesn't have many full blown meltdowns where she's completely irrational and there's nothing we can do until she works through it. Usually she screams or cries but is quickly satiated by something Cory or I offer as a solution or alternative.

Last night Accalia had one of those fullblown meltdowns, and unfortunately Cory was in bed asleep. He had gone to bed early because he's been getting up especially early this week for work. And Accalia had taken a 2 1/2 hour nap in the afternoon, so she was ready to go for a while. It was about 10:30 and she wanted to watch cartoons while I tried to get Cole back to sleep. When the cartoon ended (and Accalia's eyes were barely open), I asked if she wanted to go to bed and she said she wanted Cory to read her a story. That's what they do every night, but obviously it wasn't going to work tonight with Cory fast asleep. So I explained that and said she could go upstairs and cuddle with him in bed or I would read her a story. That's when she just started screaming and screaming "Daddy! Read me a story!" This kept increasing in intensity and volume in her hopes that Cory would come downstairs, but he didn't. I can't imagine that he slept through all of that, but maybe he did. Nothing I said or did made a difference, and here I was with a now upset Cole in the sling and a screaming, irrational Accalia. I didn't handle every moment of this as well as I should have, but overall I think I did a pretty good job. She must have screamed like that for minutes until she finally let me take her in my lap - still crying and screaming - until she calmed down. Then I asked if she wanted to go to bed, and she said she wanted to have me read a story. So I read her two stories, we talked about how upset she had been that Daddy couldn't come to read her stories and then went to bed.

It was amazing to be a part of an entire tantrum - from those frantic, shrill screams to the end when she was just a limp little girl. It was so incredibly calm after that. You could feel it everywhere. And Accalia was tired but happy. I can imagine that some parents would have spanked their kids or sent them to their rooms once the meltdown began, but it helps me in dealing with Accalia to ask "How would I want to be treated?" If I were upset and tired and screaming, I certainly wouldn't want Cory hitting me and dragging me upstairs to the bedroom. I would want him to stay close to me, to hold me when I needed it.